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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009745">Vader Talk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X'>Chronos_X</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Headcanons (2016-) [28]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Original Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batman References, Dragon Ball References - Freeform, Funny, Green Lantern References, Headcanon, Hilarious, I have too much free time on my hands, Nightwish References, Rumors, Sailor Moon References, Vader Stuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Also available at https://www.deviantart.com/chronos-x/art/Vader-Talk-779817601</p><p>The vid that started it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J5ZlisMl1k&amp;lc=z23sfd0whwzyxfdoi04t1aokgzclnnmbxmt3nvt2sfvabk0h00410.1546673843528990</p><p>Dragon Ball Super: Twilight of Gods I - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466320</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Headcanons (2016-) [28]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Vader Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Random Storm Trooper 1: They say Vader is an ominous masked figure who answers to the Emperor himself and can otherwise do pretty much whatever the hell he wants.  He punishes failure with death, yet even those subordinates who earn his praise can't breathe easy (no pun intended).<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 2: He's demanding and utterly relentless, yet dislikes hearing the word "sand" spoken in his presence.  Also, I think his face gets stuck in a thousand-yard stare whenever he hears the words "high ground" and "younglings," but nobody knows for sure.<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 3: He's on poor terms with the higher-ups in the Empire, particularly Grand Moff Tarkin.  No, seriously, the godson of a friend of mine who worked at the first Death Star, he says Vader don't like Tarkin 'cause he's "course, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere."  Guy does smell like stale bantha cheese and moth balls, but I think he's exaggerating.<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 4: A son of an old acquaintance of my mother once walked in on him... no, he wasn't doing <em>THAT</em>, you perverts!  Why does everything have to be about sex with you clowns!?  As I was saying, that old acquaintance, he walked in on Vader with his helmet off, says the back of his head looks like overcooked testicles or something.  What happened to the guy?  Last I heard, he got transferred to a lava planet in the Mufasa System or something.  No, I've never cooked or eaten testicles.  Stop asking.  <br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 5: I heard from an old buddy that Vader was this rich bloke from a planet called "Gotham."  When he was a kid and he was walking home at night, some ass-clown killed his parents in front of him! (what do you mean you don't know what "ass-clown" means? You living under a rock or something?).  Anyway, that's gotta mess you up good in the head, know what I mean?  From then on he wanted to strike terror into the hearts of rebel scum, so he started dressing up like an airbrushed tin man with asthma, called himself "Nightwish" or something.<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 6: Bulls*%t.  I've seen evidence that he came from a planet of superhuman monkeys called "Vegeta" and it exploded, so he landed on Krypton (must be an Outer Rim world), where he was raised by Amazons in Dakota (dunno what that is) and he became a test pilot until he gained a magic evil ring fed by the power of love, used it "to rule them all," then acquired a magical compact mirror that gives him "powers beyond the grasp of mortal men" so he can "fight evil in the name of the Moon," or so I heard.<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 7: Way I hear it, he got hit by cosmic gamma rays and tapped into something called a Speed Force (I can't keep up with all these new designer drugs that're coming out).  Let's just say you won't like him when he's angry...<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 8: Whatever.  Me and the other Troopers are running a super-secret betting pool on whether old Darth's bald underneath that chrome dome.<br/>
<br/>
Random Storm Trooper 9: Still, you gotta respect a guy with that kinda dedication to his job.  I'm thinking 'bout inviting him to that weird sand planet to watch Podracing on Boonta Eve.  Who knows?  Maybe it'll help mellow him out.</p>
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